I have to admit I’m coming from behind. Always. Always coming just short of the start line. It’s called, in sports, a handicap. And, oddly enough, it is called that in medicine too.
Recently, I have had CBT as a part of my therapy with my pdoc. Actually it’s been going on for several years. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is when you take the thoughts you have that make you feel bad and neutralize them. So if you are having NATs, or negative automatic thinking, you present yourself with a pleasant, plausible alternative. It works. Your NATs go away. Nobody in the medical field knows why it works; but, they just know it does.
At first, I thought, CBT was for people who told themselves lies to get through a difficult reality. Now I see that CBT has to be more honest than I’ve ever been, more profound than I’ve ever been, for it to work on an ongoing basis. Once you stop, you lose weeks worth hard won steps of progress in a few hours. That’s why I don’t counsel suicidal people anymore. I can’t afford to be brought down too. At the scent and whiff of a person who will bring me down, I make a gracious, but firm, exit from the conversation. You should as well. People who bring a vulnerable person down, and won’t stop despite your protests, don’t have a place in your life. You just can’t afford it. They are just using you. And some may not really understand that repeating the same circle of thinking doesn’t help themselves or the person they’re dumping on. They need to be immediately referred to a doctor or the nearest emergency ward.
For your own sake, you need distance. If that means hanging up or blocking or cutting off all contact, so be it. Since when is a NO!” not a categorical no? How many deficit points do you have to get to before you drag yourself out of the peat and bog, and start recovering? And just how much does this person mean to you? And can they take it elsewhere? Or are they just making excuses for using you as free therapy? Does it improve your life? What does it take to get to the point of no return? Do you really want to go there? Think about it honestly. Be true to your essential person. Call yourself on things that feel off. Stop sabotaging, or stop letting others sabotage you.
In short, you need to look after yourself because there are enough people out there who, when they are given a chance, will tear you down. Ancient advice, but so relevant. Be good to yourself, first, because nothing matters more—nor should it.
Or in short: why should I give a fuck about someone who doesn’t give a fuck about me? ~V.
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