Now that I am unwanted, let me make myself completely odious

Veek, you’re willing to work but you don’t do anything about it anymore, and it’s a dilemma you put yourself into. You enjoy it. You enjoy lazing around.

I have to honestly ask myself, do I really love doing nothing about my situation?

Am I lazy? I work in bursts, followed by a few days of respite. I worked really hard at the jobs I was hired to do, paid or volunteer. I took up a gig writing for a mental health magazine. It was a 7-year affair for which I was employed for 3 years…until I asked for a year off. They never rehired me. I had been volunteering from the age of 15 until I was 46. That’s better than sheltered employment, pressure-wise, right? I got fired from the one I had the most success at because of my stress-induced, suicide attempt that landed me in hospital.

Let me turn this into a madwoman’s visitation to your glass and crystal party. Mental illness is a conundrum, yes. The only way to deal with undeserved and incurable hardship is to find some perverse enjoyment in it. It is entirely unfair to blame the victim for them “asking for it”, or “getting their just deserts”. For people who say that, I’d like to address them by asking if I can wish/pray/bless/curse their children with everything I have, and then some…like refractory schizophrenia where no medication helps, or to have upon them madness and its ramifications to the power of 10,000 times worse than mine. People who say such things owe us a debt. Debts tie them to either a compensation or a curse. Choose your poison; but, you’re not getting away with it.

I don’t need to goad or dare anyone in religious or political power to prove me wrong. They will do so regardless. The question is whether they fully understand what they’re doing, because that changes the severity of need in the compensation or curse.

I don’t initiate curses without cause. I don’t curse where there is compensation. I just suggest the ecclesiastically or politically powerful not assume they are in office because they worked hard to win our approval, that they deserve it, and that now they can better their own situation and those of their cronies. Rather, they are there to fulfill a bigger purpose, but if they fail the most vulnerable and the most needy, their own flesh and blood will not escape the same, or, much worse fate than our collective life situation. ~V.

©2018 Veekwriter All Rights Reserved

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