This is all Louis’s fault.

My dear Louis, and to his beloved, May g-d rain the oil of blessings upon your crowns as you walk this earth together. Shalom!

I am writing this because Louis has been bugging me about another article. He took the chance that it might be, this time, definitively nihilistic—as those who have health and sustenance tend to be when bored—but, this time, just this time, I might surprise him.

We talked about a few things. I got the idea to write it out, to process through writing, rather, the seed of what he called my “prejudices” against the male gender, against humanity, and ultimately against the Creator. I recognized in my pattern for all my thinking was a conflation of negatives, a ripened fruit rife with worms. I seemed to catastrophize. I especially directed my negative energy towards the very groups of people I so wanted to attract. Why? Because I couldn’t attract them. Rejection is at the heart of every bitter thought man has ever had. And, this, is what I had to work out for myself, so I could at least live my remaining decades in some sort of constructive way, that instead of creating misery, I’d be healing it. Pardon me if I don’t reference Jung. I know of him. I know some of his terminology. But, I’ve never read the man’s work. No, I don’t intend to before writing this article. I want to say what I think, not parrot someone else’s thoughts. If after writing this article or series of articles, I feel I have come to complete healing, I’ll listen to a few audiobooks to see if there were any concurrences. I resist only because I know if it is a collective unconscious that we share, I’ll get as much credit for writing on such things as he has already.

Life is a bitch. No, let me rephrase. Humans suck. Yeah, better. Golden retrievers are the best. Yes! Anyway, I’ve come to realize that dwelling on the issues in this whole inner dialogue I’ve been occasionally posting on my blog is a stupid way to live. Yes, as the infamous Woody Allen famously quipped, “Therapy is spending thousands of dollars to find out ten years later that in the end, it was all your parents’ fault.” (Paraphrase mine) There is no way out of that one. It is true. It is incurable. It gets in the way of everything you do even if you are an artist with singular gifts. IT informs every decision you make.

But what if it doesn’t have to be this way? Isn’t Salinger’s ending in “Catcher in the Rye” with Holden watching his sister grab the brass ring descriptive of everything we go through, and the merry-go-round the whole epitome of our existence on earth? “Life is a game”, the old professor tries to tell a damaged Holden Caufield. He searches desperately for the innocence of childhood in his coming-of-age. Most idealists make the greatest cynics, not in the philosophical term for I cannot claim to know anything about that, but in the vernacular. When Holden finally gets it, he gets manically and fatuously happy. He comes of age through mental illness.

So again, what if it doesn’t have to be this way? Can we, like the mythical Chiron heal our greatest wound and become a wounded healer, thus our greatest strength? I make a pitiful example of a Christian for I still find the narratives in astrology applicable in the metaphorical sense. I have come to embrace every story that rings true…even if it has to seduce my soul with its beauty. Plato, in his concept of the true republic, would have been horrified. There is no greater villain to his version of a utopia than the poet and songstress, for they seduce with their sublime beauty what no man can ever reason back and overcome. Plato wrote bunk.

And again, what if it doesn’t have to be this way? Louis said something to me that I thought at the moment was trite. “Nothing can stop me from doing what I want.” Where haven’t we heard that before? I mean I am sure he lifted it off some basketball team motto. No. He didn’t. The fact that we can act differently informs our nervous system which then informs our emotions and eventually produces feel-good chemicals in our brain, if I am correct. That in term produces motivation that leads to incentive to repeat to do even better. Soon we have a habit and then a different way of living. Do this often enough with enough things, and even those of us pining for better lives will marvel at how we whined until the Louis’s of our lives came along and scooped us out of our merry-go-rounds, plopped us onto a forest path and told us to find a way. Because we can and will if we want to, providing we are not arrested in our heads by a chemical imbalance that only a good psychiatrist can fix…before meeting our Louis’s…and finding that change is possible, despite the morose attitudes we’ve held for 45 years about our childhoods.

Thank g-d for Louis! Shalom.

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